Hi, I was hoping anyone could help me with this problem that has continuously been gnawing at my chest for the past week. I am 17 years old and going to be a senior in high school while my boyfriend is 18 and has already entered his freshmen year in college.
We have been in a serious relationship for over a year and a half and honestly, he has been the most perfect boyfriend I have ever had. He treated me like I was number one in his life and there’s never been a fight we couldn’t solve within a day or two. We were so serious that I lost my virginity to him and that we made plans about our future together. When I first met him he was a shy, game-controller wielding geek but over the course of his senior year he gradually began to open up more as it finally dawned on him that it was his final year in high school so he should make the best of it.
In the beginning, I restricted him completely from drinking at any parties he went to – a restriction he obeyed willingly but not happily. After a few months I began to see that he was increasingly growing tired of this policy because it set him apart from his friends. At the start of this summer, I attempted to relax a bit more and lifted the restriction on drinking, however, I was still hesitant about allowing him to smoke marijuana – something he also liked doing with his friends. I acknowledged that when he started college he would probably attend the parties and get the entire “college experience.”
All I’ve ever read about relationships on Shine is that if you want it to work it requires compromise. Therefore we bargained that he could smoke weed if I could hook up (as far as making out) with other guys since I previously mentioned my interest in it. Coincidentally, his first week of college fell on the week that I went on a cruise to Mexico, so perfectly knowing that he’d be going to a few parties I went out and had my own fun. In the middle of my cruise I found out that he went to a party every night and at one, grinded against a girl and “enjoyed it.” I’m his first real girlfriend and I honestly thought I wouldn’t have to worry about him straying because he’s so shy about flirting. First of all, we didn't agree to that yet. Why not baby steps? I mentally was ready for that one after alll. I forgot that alcohol and weed can really change your personality which was really stupid of me because my own father is an alcoholic and stoner and God knows what I have put up with every day.
I almost broke up with my boyfriend about his actions because I was so upset and confused. I just want him to be happy and to enjoy life, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness in return. He promised to stop smoking and I promised to never hook up with a guy again but I reluctantly still allowed him to drink and dance with girls. It took only two consecutive nights of him drinking and partying that made me realize that I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t feel as if I’m his number one anymore and it’s hurting me.
I used to feel tempted to see other guys before because of those raging teenage hormones, but now I’m just feeling tempted based on the reason of him partying. I don’t want to hook up with another guy again while I’m in this relationship but I know he doesn’t want to stop partying. I’m afraid if it comes down the line, he will choose his new lifestyle over me. All I want is this relationship to work out but I just don't know if it can? I care about him so much, his physical health and the health of our relationship. Please help me, any advice would be so helpful.
From World of Warcraft to the World of Whores and Drafts - How can I handle a changed boyfriend?
Spend as much time with him as you can. He will continue seeing you as number one and it wouldn't let him forget it.
