Saturday 24 September 2011

Plz revise the short paragraph plz its urgent?

Fitting into a new country requires you to be engaged with others. Learning a language helps you communicate and make friends. As international students learn how to speak English eloquently, they have confidence of talking to English-speaking students, which helps them make new friends. The language, thus, helps international students to be connected with others who are from different backgrounds. Understanding cultures and traditions also helps you to be involved in a new community. You have to appreciate and learn other people鈥檚 lifestyle to show respect. If you are ignorant of learning a new culture, you are making yourself be isolated from a new community. Adapting yourself, thus, helps you to be involved in a new country.



Intro

Changing your old way of dealing problems requires endurance and time. You have to transform your lifestyle in order to ___________. It is important to make changes in your life to fit into a new country and university. Also, changing your personality helps you change who you are.
Plz revise the short paragraph plz its urgent?
see/discover what lies ahead?

change who you are?
Plz revise the short paragraph plz its urgent?
The main thing that's wrong is the use of the word 'you'. Never use it in essay type of writing. Only use it if you are writing directly to someone. You can use one's or we or them or they or our, basically any other pronoun that names persons or people. You can also reword your sentences so that pronouns are mostly unnecessary. Last sentence: Also, a change of personality helps in some way to change who we are. Rewrite it and post the question again.